Hi, I’m still here…

People, people, people…how the heck are ya?

I can once again apologize for being MIA/inconsistent and follow it up with a whole “I’m back” spiel. But I just wouldn’t be telling the truth. I’ve been all over the place, I can’t even remember what I was doing  a few weeks ago. This year is flying by and I can’t even believe we are already in April.

There are many reasons for my inconsistencies here on this blog. I always attempt to stick to a Monday/Thursday post schedule, but now I’m lucky if I get one post up a week, I get really super duper lucky if I get two up even on any random two days. That’s kind of why you’ll see a random Sunday post pop up, or a Tuesday post sneak in. Because I just so happened to have some time to do it that day. To be honest, I haven’t been writing much at all. And I just realized how much I’ve missed it.

Needless to say, I still haven’t gotten back into it. I stand in front of a classroom asking students to write and trying to inspire their creativity and yet I feel like a hypocrite because I myself feel so uninspired.

In February I hit a slump. And it pretty much lasted all through March too. The goals and ideas I had in the beginning of the year went out the window, and the promises I made to myself soon became forgotten.

I guess you can say that’s normal right? We often leave our resolutions in the dust of the January’s left over glitter.

But this felt different.

It felt like I was just constantly going through the motions of what I had to do. Then I got hit with a period of time where I was sick on an off for weeks. First I was treated for a sinus infection. Then after a bunch of back and forth between my doctor and urgent care, I was finally treated for the flu (as a precaution) and strep throat. To say I was done was an understatement. I was taking so many different medications and constantly feeling like I wasn’t present, feeling like my chest was so heavy and like I couldn’t breathe right. I stayed in bed for most of my days. I was even sick for my 27th Birthday. Super fun. Side Note: My mom did make me a kick ass chicken and waffles dinner though, which I was happy I at least got to taste a little. On top of it all, mother nature decided to rain on my pity parade and grace me with her presence.

So I was a mess. I was emotional, I was sick, I didn’t feel well physically or mentally. And because of all of that my anxiety was in full force, I felt like I was going insane. I just didn’t feel like myself for weeks. I really felt like I was spiraling into this weird depression, where I felt like there was something really wrong with me. Soon enough I started to come out of it and even though I’m not 100% out of my funk, I can safely say I feel 100% better than I did a few weeks ago. It’s so crazy the things that your mind can put you through. I was so frustrated at how I was feeling, because I knew the rationality was that I was sick and on medication and dealing with lady problems (lol) and I knew it was just the combination that was making me feel funky. My brain kept telling me not to make such a big deal of it all. People get sick, you’ll be better in a week. But my anxiety turned it into so much more. 

I recently had off of work so I tried to cram a bunch of things into my week. Including meeting up with a few friends. And out of all the ladies that I spoke with, we all were feeling the same way. Stressed, anxious, unlike ourselves. And it got me thinking…you are never alone in what you feel. There is always someone who has felt or is feeling what you have/are feeling. 

When you deal with anxiety, you become this prisoner in your own mind. As my friend put it, you start to live in your head. And although the mind is a beautiful, powerful thing, it can also be something that can literally break you down and tear you apart because it’s so powerful.

So that brings me to my next point. Seasonal depression is a thing.

Seasonal Depression is also known as –Seasonal affective disorder– A mood disorder characterized by depression that occurs at the same time every year.

*Usually self-diagnosable
*Symptoms include: fatigue, depression, hopelessness, and social withdrawal.
*People may experience:
Mood: anxiety, apathy, general discontent, loneliness, loss of interest, mood swings, or sadness
Sleep: excess sleepiness, insomnia, or sleep deprivation
Whole body: appetite changes or fatigue
Behavioral: irritability or social isolation
Also common: depression, lack of concentration, or weight gain

And when it comes to the Winter season (especially in New York) you can gather how many people may be experiencing this. It stays cold and dark out longer, there’s less opportunities to go out and experience sunlight. Often people stay in doors to avoid the cold temperatures or the snow. You know the snow that falls in March and April when it should be Spring. And your social life becomes sullen. Your left with isolation at times and if you deal with anxiety- your worry sets in and you begin to drown in your racing thoughts. Not to mention that NY whether is so unpredictable that you could be thinking Spring is right around the corner, wearing light jackets and then it snows and you need a winter coat again in a day.  That’s enough to put anyone’s body in shock and confusion. Not to mention that the flu season this year has been atrocious. EVERYONE has been getting sick. Gosh, I really thought I was going to escape it, I usually have a strong immune system. But in general my anxiety has peeked these past few months and I imagine that left me a little more susceptible. Never the less, I am slowly, but surely coming out of my funk, and I am finally starting to feel like myself again, and it is time I try to manage my time wisely.

So I won’t make any promises here. I am actually going to just say now that the Monday/Thursday schedule is on hold for now. I will try my best to at least post once a week. I just have a lot going on with weddings, and showers, and family and work and I realize I can’t always be perfect at doing it all at once. And that’s okay. We all could benefit from giving ourselves a little grace at times. At the end of the day, you can only try your best.

But as I said before, I do miss writing, so I’m hoping to make it more of a priority for me. 

Talk soon.

xo Michelle 

-<3-

 

 

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Happy Birthday Joy! (April 2, 2018)

Bethany Joy Lenz is one of my biggest inspirations. Not because she’s perfect, we all know that no one is perfect. But because she is real and she owns it. Her talent in acting, painting, fashion and above all else singing knows no bounds. She is a fierce female. 

The Fashion

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Acting

 

Singing

 

Painting (follow her art instagram @thelenzgallery)

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Happy Birthday Joy!

* I do not take credit for any images used.*

-<3-

 

 

For My Future Daughter

One day, I hope to be a mom, and I thought about what I would want to say to my own daughter. The advice I would give her. Here it is…                                                                                                              

 

                                                                                                                              March 19, 2018

Dear Sweet Girl,

I know life isn’t always going to be easy for you. I know jobs will be hard to find and boys will break your heart. And people you are close to will disappoint you at times. Myself included, sadly. No one is perfect.

If you are anything like me, I know insecurity will find you and you will have to fight to see the silver lining in every bad day. I know you will question your faith in times of pain and grief. And wonder what your true purpose is.

I know you may fight your anxiety everyday like I do and I also know that you can and you will win.

My hope is that you never have to deal with any of these hardships. That you are forever cast with a smile on your face. But living in this world, I know that is unfortunately an unrealistic notion. There will be bad days. There will be sad days.

I know that you will be so loved by so many, that you will feel like you have to always be good and “perfect.” To always say/do the right thing. Your self awareness and self consciousness will be both a weakness and a strength for you. But your heart is so big.

Just breathe my girl and you will get through it all-one foot at a time. One day at a time. Because you are a force to be reckoned with. You are your own heroine. The star of your own sold out show. You can be anything you want to be.

Never let anyone tell you different or try to dull the sparkle that surrounds your very soul. And please… never stop dreaming.

 

                                                                                                                               Love You Always,

                                                                                                                               Mom ❤  

Finding my inspiration…

Funk, slump, busy week off, and a sinus infection later and I was left feeling super run down and sick. And now I am trying to pull my life back together and get back into my routine of doing things and accomplishing my goals. 

And that means returning to this blog. I’ve missed it, but I’ve been lying in the bubble of uninspired ideas. So I usually turn to music and YouTube when that happens and recently I’ve just revisited some things that inspired me in the past…

These are the women that often inspire my creativity. They are all just filled with good, calm, healthy vibes. I feel like such a hippie girl. I want to just throw on my kimono and moccasins and roast marshmallows by a fire pit. #BohemianGirl

Joy WilliamsVenus Album

Specifically…

Such a powerful girl power anthem. Her whole Venus album spoke to me. As earthy and hippie as I sound. Joy is actually in the process of recording her next album! So excited, I cannot wait! I would love to see her live in concert. 

Rachel Talbott– YouTuber/Vlogger/Musician

I really love Rachel’s YouTube content. Every time I watch her I just feel so relaxed and like I want to create a better, more balanced, healthy life style. Her demeanor is so sweet and serene. 

I actually made my own spa pedicure because of this, and I loved it so much. I think I may continue doing this more often…when I have a bit of extra pamper time. 

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Visit Rachel’s new shop online @ PacificThyme.com She has some absolutely beautiful things on there and the prices are more affordable then I’ve seen in a while. I just bought a candle, a loose tea, and a tea infuser and I cannot wait to get them! 

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I was never a huge Disney kid, I had my favorites- The Little Mermaid/Pocahontas. But I love the soundtracks. Every time I hear a Disney song I just feel like I want to cry. It just tugs at the heart strings. And this medley includes some of the absolute best ones! That Rachel…such a talent. 

Bethany Joy Lenz- 

This woman is always always always an inspiration to me. And recently I’ve just been listening to her soulful music again. She actually just released a new little track entitled Ghost Stories.  You can listen to it on her twitter. 

Here’s a vlog of mine from her concert I attended a few summers ago. It was an epic time!

This next concert was one I found on YouTube- a StageIt show, she had a while back. How gorgeous is her look! And that hair cut was pure fire. (video quality is a bit lagging) Her song “Dance with me” is my fav! ❤

Joy also paints and she has been sharing a lot of her work on her art instagram account The Lenz Gallery. 

Kalyn Nicholson– YouTuber/Vlogger/Author

This girl is inspiration reincarnated. Watching her plan her days and check her items off her list is oddly satisfying. Because I know how it feels to be a planner and a list maker. She’s real and she’s got these really chill vibes about her. I love the music she uses in her videos, I love her fashion and her home décor style. She makes it seem like you can really get through all your lists and encourages productivity. She also coined GYST day…a Get Your Sh*t Together Day! 

 

Who/what inspires you?

-<3-

 

 

 

Movies I love…[Part 2]

Check out Part 1 HERE!

I’m  a romantic, I love a good love story….or even a bad one. [Shout out to From Justin to Kelly and Glitter] Lol.

And I love romantic movies, comedies, dramas/thrillers. They are all right up my alley. Add a fierce female lead and I am sure to love it! Some of my favorite actresses are Mandy Moore, Jennifer Lopez, and Katherine Heigl, and a few others, I think you’ll start to see a pattern. But it just so happens that everything these women are in, I usually love! 

So I thought I’d share the trailers with you for some of my favorites. Because these movies are movies I can watch over and over and over again.

Who’s with me, ladies? 😉

 

There are still so many movies, I didn’t mention…I’m sure I’ll do a Part 3 and 4 (and so on) in the future! 

 

What are some of your fav movies?

-<3- 

Movies I love…[Part 1]

I‘m a romantic, I love a good love story….or even a bad one. [Shout out to From Justin to Kelly and Glitter] Lol.

And I love romantic movies, comedies, dramas/thrillers. They are all right up my alley. Add a fierce female lead and I am sure to love it! Some of my favorite actresses are Mandy Moore, Jennifer Lopez, and Katherine Heigl, and a few others, I think you’ll start to see a pattern. But it just so happens that everything these women are in, I usually love! 

So I thought I’d share the trailers with you for some of my favorites. Because these movies are movies I can watch over and over and over again.

Who’s with me, ladies? 😉

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Part 2 COMING SOON!!!

-<3-

#Karamel #Feels

I fell in love with the relationship between Kara Danvers “Supergirl” who hailed from planet Krypton and Mon El Former Prince of Daxam rather quickly. From the minute they met,  you knew it was going to be interesting to watch it unfold. And so this love/hate banter began between them, as Kara tried to train Mon El in learning to control and utilize his strength for good. SPOIILER ALERT: it was just too cute too deny. His smile when he looks at her is EVERYTHING!

Their relationship started off rocky, Mon El came into the show in a FISH OUT WATER like state. His “pod” landed on earth and he was needless to say…confused and he met the girl of steel and her mighty fist quite a few times. Their story has a bit of a Romeo and Juliet feel to it, as their alien lands were once rivals. 

However, they had their ups and downs, they fought, they got drunk together, they flirted, they dated other people (well party boy Mon El mostly did and Kara grew jealous). But it was soon evident that Mon El grew feelings for Kara and he became this witty, adorable man with a crush. Watching him learn the ways of earth and adapt to social cues is hysterical. However, as cute as they had become, Kara is a very independent woman, and Mon El often times would try to interfere with her decisions, they broke up for a brief period when Kara realized Mon El was lying about his past. Mon El was quick to work at winning her back.

At the end of season two, due to a device that was used during a fight with an evil alien (Mon El’s Mother), Mon El was expected to die, and Kara placed him in a pod and sent him off into space as a way to save him. 

When we return this season, in season three- 7 months were spent in fear, wonder, worry for our beloved heroine. Not knowing where he was, or if he was alive. Kara became closed off, and through herself into being solely Supergirl. Kara Danvers was her human side, with a human heart that knew how to love, and she decided to leave that part of her behind. Until one day Mon El returns from living a life 7 years in the future with a wife-Imra a.k.a Saturn girl. 

Kara never saw it coming. And neither did I. :/

Here’s a video explaining their full history a bit, better you watch it then read it! 😉 *Seasons available on Netflix!

My favorite Kara/Mon El “Karamel” moments are…

Below @2:15- Mon El is suggesting they watch a Musical and Kara freaks out and gets all excited. This may be my absolute favorite scene of theirs. Because the way he looks at her is so perfect, he loves her so much! And he loves seeing her happy, and she’s clearly so happy with him. #RelationshipGoals #AlienLove 😉

Although the next scene is heartbreaking, it really shows just how much Mon El really loves Kara. You can just tell by how badly he doesn’t want their relationship to end. This is the Mon El we are used to, the guy who tears up, the guy who expresses his feelings. The guy completely in love with Kara. 

This season has crushed many Karamel shipper hearts. Not only does he have a wife, but he isn’t who he used to be on the surface.

“Your different…” oh gosh she cries, I cry with her. So sad. 

We see bits of the old Mon El come out from time to time, but Kara has quite the heartbreak over it all. Her boyfriend came back after months of not knowing, and he’s from the future with a whole new life. Not the mention his wife is also a superhero, beautiful and nice, constantly complimenting Kara. Ugh god, could you imagine wanting to hate someone who is always so nice. Torture!

I really hate how they’ve written this storyline, and how Mon El is being portrayed. Granted Mon El was always a little self absorbed, he usually only thought about himself and his safety but when it came to Kara, he would protect her at any costs and he started becoming a better man for it, caring for others as Kara cares for National City. But the second half of season three, has me questioning Mon El’s character. There are signs that point to Mon El still having feelings for Kara, but there is still something up, something missing. It’s like he doesn’t care for her as genuinely as he used to. I understand it was 7 years for him and a lot can happen to a person in 7 years but to know how heartbroken Kara was when he was left away in that pod, all of us Karamel fans were holding out hope for the day he would return and they could just pick up where they left off. A couple of superheroes so in love. Like Kara says in the 3×09 video clip above…

“I see this very clearly for what it is, we’re just three good people stuck in a really crappy situation, but you know what at least two of us still get to be happy….I really am trying to be okay with this but…this is worse than the worst thing I could possibly imagine and that’s you looking at me with no love in your eyes.”

That scene was so amazing, although it was so heart breaking, I was so happy when she laid that all out in front of him, because although it’s been 7 years for him, [and Imra has said to Kara how Mon El loved her so much and didn’t look at another girl for years,] Mon El still needed to hear that it is NOT okay for him to be all chummy and kissing his wife right in front of Kara. 7 years, yes ok, but for Kara it’s still only been 7 months, her wounds are still fresh and he should respect her enough not to flaunt his new found relationship. NOT COOL Mon El, NOT COOL. 

Last night I was watching the new episode- 3×10-The Legion of Superheroes- and I was just so angry at Mon El. There Supergirl is lying, nearly dead and there he is just chilling and not helping- throwing out some “I can’t risk dying the future needs us” bull crap. I was livid that he had to be encouraged by Imra of all people- to intervene. Granted, I know he had his brainiac friend from the future helping to coax Kara out of Acoma, but he was just standing around, waiting, the old Mon El would have been freaking out doing whatever he could to save the love of his life. So I ask myself, what gives?  Like in this scene where he tells her he still cares. And sure I believe him, but it’s not the same as it used to be. He’s distant, he’s holding back. And it breaks my heart. 

I’m still holding out hope, the rumors I am hearing are that Imra (Mon El’s wife) is in fact manipulating his mind. And that is why Mon El is behaving the way he has been. That would make a lot of sense, So here’s hoping that’s true. Because I’m sorry I ship, my ships, and I take them seriously. I know I’m not the only one. I can’t accept a world without a Karamel reunion. P.S. 7 years and Mon El still doesn’t end up REALLY helping in battle. Lol. Dude you want to wear the suit, do the work! 😉 No but I love him, I do, I just need this weird version of him to be gone. I miss the old Mon El. Come back to us, come back to Kara. 

Hey at least Chris Wood and Melissa Benoist are a couple in real life!

LOVE WHEN THAT HAPPENS! 😉 

 

Supergirl airs Mondays @ 8PM on the CW

*I do not take credit for any images or video clips used.*

-<3-